26JJ-CPM_Working-Skeleton-Layout_20260406-NT - Flipbook - Page 38
M
ore than thirty years ago, after a traumatic loss, I was
given a poem by Losi A. Cheney titled People Touch
Our Lives. It became an anchor during a time when my
world felt unrecognizable. Today, that poem still hangs in
one of the sacred spaces of my home — a reminder of
how profoundly we are shaped by the people who move
in and out of our lives.
Cheney writes that people cross our paths with both love
and carelessness, leaving marks that linger long after
they’ve gone. Some departures bring relief, others leave
a hollow ache. Yet each person — whether they stay for a
moment, a season, of a lifetime — contributes a piece to
the mosaic of who we are.
The Changing Landscape of Women’s Friendships
As women, our relationships often mirror the stages
of our lives. Research consistently shows that connection
is essential to emotional well-being, especially as we
navigate transitions. Friendships formed in adolescence
and early adulthood — high school, college, early career,
the years of raising children — often feel foundational.
These are the people who witnessed our becoming.
But even the most meaningful friendships can shift.
Timing, proximity, and the natural evolution of our lives
all play a role. Some friends remain lifelong companions;
others drift as we grow in di昀昀erent directions. Their
absence doesn’t diminish their importance. They
contributed bits and pieces that helped shape the women
we are today.
Loyalty
Loyalty is the quiet promise of “you are not alone.” It builds the
foundation of trust, especially as we enter our 40s, 50s, and
60s, when vulnerability becomes both more necessary and more
courageous.
Presence
In a world where technology creates the illusion of closeness, true
presence — sitting across from someone, sharing space, sharing
truth — becomes a rare and powerful gift.
Consistency
Friendship thrives on rhythm. Just as habits form in 28 days,
emotional connection strengthens through intentional, regular time
together. Weekly co昀昀ee dates, morning walks, shared rituals —
these small acts become lifelines.
Emotional Safety
This is the space where we can be un昀椀ltered, unguarded, and fully
ourselves. It’s where laughter and tears coexist, where we feel held
rather than judged.
The Role of Forgiveness
Where there is vulnerability, there will be
misunderstanding. Even the closest friendships
experience moments of hurt. When this happens, it’s
important to pause, re昀氀ect, and — when possible —
repair. Sometimes that means talking with a trusted
partner or therapist to understand our own part in
the con昀氀ict. Sometimes it means o昀昀ering grace. And
sometimes it means accepting that a friendship has
reached its natural end.
Becoming a Loyal Friend to Ourselves
This is the heart of the poem — and the heart of our lived
experience.
Seeking New Connections in New Seasons
Just as we outgrow certain roles, we also outgrow certain
relationships. This isn’t failure; it’s growth. Each new
season of life invites new people who meet us where we
are now.
Healthy emotional balance requires openness to these
new connections. The qualities that sustain meaningful
friendships in midlife — loyalty, presence, consistency,
and emotional safety — become more essential as our
responsibilities deepen and our time becomes precious.
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Perhaps the most transformative lesson is this: the
qualities we seek in others must also be cultivated within
ourselves. Loyalty. Patience. Gentleness. Presence.
Consistency. Emotional Safety.
We are, after all, the one friend we carry through every
season.
As we honor the bits and pieces we’ve gathered from
those who have touched our lives, we also honor the
ongoing work of becoming whole. Friendships — past,
present, and future — are part of that lifelong journey
toward emotional health and growth.
